Thoughts About being Remembered [Random Ramblings ep. 1]

Idk how to start this so here goes nothin’…

So earlier, I was talking to my sister at some café and we talked about a lot of stuff, about guys, and realizations in life. One of the topics we had was “Does it matter too how you’re remembered by the people who had a special place in your life?”, I don’t know, I always seem to be fixated by that thought, it’s as if I’m gonna be leaving at any moment or they’re gonna leave anytime. I don’t want to do anything bad that may stain their memory of me. What I don’t realize is that I focus too much on the future and I don’t notice the moment that’s happening right now. I mean, that’s more important, right? I think I’m being too careful that all my actions seems restrained or reserved. Well, for the record, I have been taught to act like that at all times. I wonder what it’s like to be free and not think about consequences for once. I think my coping mechanism was to always hide in the background so they wouldn’t notice if I made a mistake. Which leads me to thinking that they don’t remember me or they will eventually forget me because I’m always at the back, I’m always quiet. I always think that I haven’t done anything remarkable for them to remember me. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the sadness. Now that I think of it, I think I’m more afraid of them forgetting me than how they’re going to remember me. (Damn, realizations while writing) I hope I leave a little trail of something to every person who becomes a part of my life. I’ll melt them with kindness or what. They all seem to think I’m nice, so yeah. I don’t know, I’m really just letting all my thoughts here… ‘till next time.

-Abby